Patrick Procrastinating

Pretentious proclamations pounced places predetermined
prattling pricks pondered presence
Proto-Merkabah pounded plates
priestly prophecies plotted pernicious precipitation
promises put plainly placate proletarians
plastics predate palladium
perennial pathways provide passage
partway plundered palaces plant
Panama's preeminent planetary pornography
pregnant polygamous pinhead
Patton planned peppering pawns
ploys penned partly pragmatically
presents pacify prenuptial paedophytes
paranoid pussies panic pall-bearing pissants
pangea's power
population's psychologies parabolically plummet
Penis.

-Patrick

And all I got was this crummy t-shirt

Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse assailed me impaled me with monster truck force in my mind I was still driving still striving still making the grade but still given time her memories never did fade cuz i was racing and pacing and plotting the course and fighting and biting and riding on my horse and there was no moon to follow the sun i should've strived for more than to just have some fun but those times are over now I'm holding a gun these lyrics are worse than what I'd penned then and it's hard to make it rhyme when its not separated into stanzas but my attention span is shorter than george costanza and I went the distance and I went for speed but it never added up so I'll continue to feed my ego with this angsty stream of consciousness I've set myself up for failure because nothing rhymes with consciousness I'd be a terrible rapper so thank God I've got a sense of humor because I have an extra dimension to examine there's a purple layer inside these pokemon cards that the bootleg ones dont have but I need to give things context to those not privy to the director's commentary in my brain and now I'm compelled to write a line that ends with the word "pain" even though it belabors the point that I'm no less whiny and in the face of the reconstruction i've gone through in the past quadrage I'm still just a speck of lint on the penis of an alien but that's what the years will do because I kept mum on the fact that I was the one who supervised the construction of light none of this would be here were it not for me I am the Savior you've all been waiting for the blueprints were triple checked and the supplies all accounted for the dayvan cowboy surfed through and demanded some more but I'd given my all the budget all spent so the need arose for me to become clark kent I hid in the phone booth waiting for the end still knowing that it was me alone who had the power to rend this universe and its neighboring properties this shit was going to get torn up like the subject of some obscure pop culture refence that I was compelled to assimilate while the french awoke from their naps to discover that they'd missed the boat and the missiles had been fired by a malfunctioning computer but they were too hairy and apathetic to do anything about it and that, folks, was a tangent which is something else I treasure tangents and obsucre pop culture references I am truly The Product of the Family Guy generation and my contempt for my creator is more ironic than rain on my wedding day oh my god alanis morisette sucks you know if you say "oh my god" in lower case then it's not bad because His name is not "god" it's "God" and even that is up for debate because "God" is still just a word in the english language his actual name is the intentionally unpronouncable "YHVH" which I'm assuming makes more sense in Hebrew but regardless where was I going? Yes all the references and trivia, I'd accumulated it maybe to compensate for something? There's definitely a more immediate return on knowing that kind of stuff than learning things that actually matter. I can walk up to Joe Bro and say "hey remember the part where Seth McFarlane cut his arm off and lopped the head off of pop culture and connected his spurting stump to our vernacular with a bendy straw?" This message brought to you by my feelings of inadequacy brought on by a victim complex inspired by some of the greats of our day. There's so much potential but if I get to feel troubled by not reaching it that makes me feel I don't know? What is the core feeling of turmoil. I'm having trouble distilling the spirit there's too much ectoplasm in the way I do think that once the zeitgeist is jarred and labelled I'll be better able to see how I'm directly guiding its course and I will inevitably be disappointed at how little control I really have over the rudder but I'll get to make a generalized statement about the human condition and isn't that all we really want anyway?

This Will Be the End of Everything

I spend inordinate amounts of time blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah thinking about either music or religion. Both have become an escape for me. An irresponsible escape. Is my increasing interest in music and the production/creation of said escape due to my decreased involvement with religion? My heart is beating faster as I write this. I am the bitch of my subconsciousness. I think that deep down what makes people religious is that most Abrahamic faiths preach some sort of end of everything. This completely excludes eastern religion because they're doing it wrong. Reincarnation? A fate worse than eternal hellfire. Bramin is the highest caste in Indian society if memory serves, but I could be wrong because I learned that like six years ago. Bramin also sounds like ramen. Just saying. So back to this that and the other thing. The most appealing aspect of abolishing my agnosticism is the assuredness that the ad naseum aspirations of the apes will finally be arrested. We have an out. Christ said he would come soon, so I mean obviously he meant "soon" in the grand scheme of things because "soon" from the perspective of the bible would've come about 1,980 years ago which is also ironic because I think a lot of people thought he would come back during the 1980s because Regan was president because everybody thought Carter did a shitty job and Regan really did do a pretty good job I think he had the highest approval ratings of any president ever? let alone a republican. And just look where we are now. So in conclusion, a comet is taking too long to smack into the Earth so I feel that this is why some form of divine intervention has become necessary. I hope the council will at least consider these arguments and take a responsible course of action. Thank you, and good night.